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Step 5

Daily readings from Al-Anon's Magazine The Forum • Recovery Reflections • Quote/Sayings

Thursday 5/26/22

The time to relax is when you don't have the time for it.

. . . concern should drive us into action and not into depression.  --Karen Horney

If a situation in our lives causes concern, be it mild disgruntlement or serious frustration, we should understand that our concern indicates that we need to act responsibly. Events that attract our attention need our action.

Our actions can take many forms. Occasionally we will be called upon to take charge of a situation. More often, offering emotional support to another is all that's needed. Perhaps most frequently, our prayers are enough.

There is always a proper response to any circumstance that causes us concern. If we choose no response, our inaction will only heighten our concern and preoccupation will hinder the day's activities.

My actions today should reflect my concerns and be appropriate to the need.

What to Do When Coworkers
​Drive You Crazy

I've been struggling with a situation concerning three coworkers for several weeks.  They have been arguing for six months, continually getting under each other's skin and intentionally doing things to anger each other.  In my observation, two of them were ganging up on the other.
 
Sitting at my desk, I wished my coworkers would all just shut up.  I thought about requesting a transfer because they were getting to me. 
 
This situation reminded me how I felt as a child living with my addicted and mentally Ill parents.  Then I had to make the situation better, take sides, and figure out who was the victim and who was the perpetrator.  Of course, I would stand up for the victim.
 
But in the office situation, I imagined calling my Sponsor to tell her how horribly my coworkers were acting.  Then I imagined her response.  "What has this got to do with you?  They aren't in charge of your serenity-you are."
 
That's when I remembered that my problems at work are just that-my problems.  I needed to clean my side of the street.
 
So I did.  I called my Sponsor to talk about what was going on.  She said just what I thought she'd say.  After 12 years with the same Sponsor very few of my problems or solutions are new. 

I shared about my work situations in Al-Anon meetings.  I made several phone calls to people in the program.
 
I realized some of    the tings my coworkers were doing reminded me of behaviors I have or have had in the past.  Behaviors I'm ashamed of that I've consciously marginalized.  I took responsibility for that.
 
One thing I know for sure-I'm only as sane as the program I'm working.  If I go to meetings, work the Steps, read program literature, and pray-I'm sane.
 
If I skip meetings, forget to pray, don't take time to call people in the program, become too busy to read literature-I start creeping back to insanity.  Focusing on others is my first clue that I'm slowly going insane again.
 
I'm still in the middle of the process of finding serenity at work.  Now I use headphones to tune out my coworkers' bickering.  I won't discuss anyone unless they are present.  I work my program.
 
It only took me a couple of days to clear up the part I played in the situation.  When I first started in Al-Anon, it would've easily taken three months and many tearful phone calls with my Sponsor.
 
Does this mean I avoid problems and difficulties in my life if I work the program?  Absolutely not!  But I'll take the sweet pain of experiencing life fully-hurts and all-over the excruciating fear of denying reality and abandoning my responsibilities to myself any day.
 
By J.S. October, 2006

Reprinted with permission of The Forum
Al-Anon Family Groups Incorporated, Virginia Beach, VA

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