Loneliness does not come from having no one around us, but instead being unable to communicate the things that matter most to us. -Carl Jung
Sometimes, I am so concerned with boundaries, that I refuse to give someone the benefit of the doubt.
In the past, I so often let people I loved, basically get away with treating me in a way that was totally unacceptable that today, when I even think that someone might be about to behave inappropriately, or “try to get away with something” I strike so fast to stop them that they aren’t even sure what they have done wrong.
It is good that today I have boundaries.
They help me to make conscience choices about the people I choose to involve in my day-to-day life but…
This does not mean that I should be rash in my judgments, react on past wrongs instead of present deeds.
When I believe someone I love is about to cross a boundary, and cause me emotional pain… maybe it is best to have a calm heart-to-heart before reacting without just cause.
Dear God, help me to be calm when emotion over takes me. Help me to make logical decisions regarding what is and isn’t acceptable to me in my relationships with others.
Without My Help
When I first came to Al-Anon, I was in what I now like to call my martyrdom stage. I was the smart one and the responsible one. I took care of the house, the children, and the bills. I also made sure we had money reserved for emergencies.
I could tell you all the ways my alcoholic husband was not like me. I could tell you everything he did incorrectly and I reminded him of them everyday. What I didn’t realize was how negatively I was affecting my children and our household. I was affecting our lives horribly, not the alcoholic—me, the perfect, self-sacrificing one. How blind I had become in my self-righteousness.
In terms of emotional and spiritual growth, Al-Anon, including my friends in the program and my first sponsor, is the most important thing that has ever happened in my life. Today I know that I am not the almighty. My Higher Power is. What a blessing for my family, and what a weight lifted from my shoulders. I can be happy today whether things go just as I’d like them to or not.
I’m happy again and my children are happier. Without my help, my husband is actually doing things differently. How about that? Thank you, God, for this program.
By Dianne U. April, 2003
Reprinted with permission of The Forum
Al-Anon Family Groups Incorporated, Virginia Beach, VA
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