The strongest people make time to help others, even if they are struggling with their own Problems. 
Denial Denial is fertile breeding ground for the behaviors we call codependent: controlling, focusing on others, and neglecting ourselves. Illness and compulsive or addictive behaviors can emerge during denial. Denial can be confusing because it resembles sleeping. We're not really aware we're doing it until we're done doing it. Forcing ourselves - or anyone else - to face the truth usually doesn't help. We won't face the facts until we are ready. Neither, it seems, will anyone else. We may admit to the truth for a moment, but we won't let ourselves know what we know until we feel safe, secure, and prepared enough to deal and cope with it. Talking to friends who know, love, support, encourage, and affirm us helps. Being gentle, loving, and affirming with ourselves helps. Asking ourselves, and our Higher Power, to guide us into and through change helps. The first step toward acceptance is denial. The first step toward moving through denial is accepting that we may be in denial, and then gently allowing ourselves to move through. God, help me feel safe and secure enough today to accept what I need to accept. |
My Son's Alcoholism Affects my Granddaughter -
Who Needs my Love and Support I joined Al-Anon because of my husband’s behavior when he was drinking—and he drank daily. My kids were little at the time. I heard people in meetings talk about their children’s addictions, and I thought it was bad enough dealing with a spouse. I could not imagine coping with one of my kids being addicted as well.
The time did come when I had to face a child’s abuse of alcohol and pot; as painful as it was—and still is—I’d had enough recovery to know that I had tools to use and program friends for support. But nothing could have prepared me for the pain of seeing my granddaughter suffer because of my son’s decline into this disease. I’m lucky enough to have her stay with me most weekends. When her mom came to pick her up on a Sunday night, she threw a fit like only a two-year-old can. She screamed, “I don’t want to go home. My home is broken!” It tore my heart out. My knee jerk reaction was to try to figure out how to fix the situation. Luckily, all my years of recovery helped me to hear that thought, then move on. Now I’m grieving over seeing my sweet granddaughter suffer, knowing that I can’t change her home life. The recovering part of me got myself to a meeting where I had the opportunity to bring up my topic of grief. I knew I had to talk about it, to get it out. The wisdom I left with was that I have the gift of offering some stability and nurturing to my granddaughter, no matter what’s going on at her home. Perhaps her Higher Power put me in her life to love her unconditionally. With the help of my Al-Anon friends, I can feel the sadness of my grief, and feel the gratitude of having her in my life. Thank you all! By Marie Claire T., Ohio August, 2011 Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, VA. 
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Today's Hope is a Recovery themed site with a focus on Friends and Families of Alcoholics and problem drinkers. We are not affiliated with any 12 Step program. The daily sharings contain a reading from
Al-Anon's Conference Approved publication The Forum, an inspirational quote/saying and a recovery based reading/meditation. The intent of Today's Hope is to share experience, strength and hope. Please take what you like and leave the rest. |