Step 6

Daily readings from Al-Anon's Magazine The Forum • Recovery Reflections • Quote/Sayings

Thursday 6/21/18

There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.
- Bryant H. McGill

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Only those means of security are good, are certain, are lasting that depend on yourself and your own vigor.  --Machiavelli

What is our security based upon? This is a vital, bottom-line question.

Security is a basic need of all humans. But as with all quests, if we look for the object of our search in an area where it cannot be found, we court certain frustration and failure.

Many would base their security on outside conditions. That is building our house on sand. Beauty passes, fame is fleeting, wealth can quickly evaporate, and health is fragile at best. What then is safe to count upon?

Only one security cannot be taken away, and it resides within. Security based on our own belief in ourselves, in our ability not only to cope and survive, but to celebrate life is the only security that lasts. As hard as it may be for adult children to learn they can trust themselves, it still is the only lasting security.

My security rests on the gains I've made in the program I've never had a stronger sense of self.

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Moving Forward

My family's efforts to help the alcoholic included dumping alcohol and telling the alcoholic what he should do to stop drinking.  He eventually agreed to see a counselor, but stopped going after a few visits.  When the alcoholic quit attending meetings, I called his counselor for advice because I didn't know what else to do.  The counselor was out of town, so I decided to cope with the situation myself.

Everyone in our family was unhappy.  It seemed as though we had given up on the alcoholic.  Before I looked into the possibility of committing the alcoholic to a treatment center, I decided to call the counselor again.  I reached his answering machine and hung up without leaving a message.  The counselor called me an hour later asking if he could help me with anything.

I told the counselor I needed help deciding what to do with the alcoholic.  The counselor asked if I had ever attended Al-Anon.  I told him I hadn't because I thought the alcoholic was the one who needed help.  The counselor suggested I attend an Al-Anon meeting as soon as possible.  He told me to listen for ten minutes.  He said I didn't even have to stay, I just needed to try it.  That seemed simple enough, so I picked a group that met on the other side of town where there would be little chance of someone recognizing me.  Why hadn't I thought of that before?

During my first meeting, I realized there were other people who had experienced the effects of living with alcoholism.  What a relief!  Everyone in the group was friendly and non-judgmental.  They welcomed me and gave me a list of phone numbers in case I needed to talk to someone between meetings.  I was afraid of what the alcoholic would say when he found out where I had been, but felt peaceful knowing Al-Anon could help me.

Since that first meeting, I haven't missed one and my life has gotten better.  In retrospect, I realize that I was the one who needed help.  With my Higher Power, I move forward more than I move backward-even though I still have more to learn.
Judy K., North Dakota May 2005 

Reprinted with permission of The Forum
Al-Anon Family Groups Incorporated, Virginia Beach, VA

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